


Marriage

by pinecovewoods



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: F/M, Recreational Drug Use, Super Soft, god i love him so much, soft connor is my fav connor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-12
Updated: 2018-12-12
Packaged: 2019-09-16 18:25:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,245
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16959213
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pinecovewoods/pseuds/pinecovewoods
Summary: The first time he realizes he wants to marry her, it's the end of their senior year.





	Marriage

The first time he realizes he wants to marry her, it's the end of their senior year.

It's still dark when her eyes flutter open, the feeling of Connor drawing her into his chest pulling her from the dream world and into the reality of the dark bedroom.

"Con?"

Her voice is hoarse, thick with sleep, but somehow still makes Connor smile.

"'M sorry, didn't mean t' wake you," he mumbles, nuzzling his face into the space between her neck and her shoulder, "couldn't sleep, you were too far away."

She smiles, brushing her fingers through his hair.

"S'okay, baby," she whispers, "I'm not goin' anywhere."

Connor hums against her clavicle, eyes closed and face soft.

"Wha' time is it?" He asks.

Y/N squints at the digital clock on the bedside table.

"Three fifteen," she smiles, "least it's Saturday, we don't gotta worry about school."

"Mmhmm," Connor replies, "where do your parents think you are?"

"Here," she answers, "with Zoe though, but what they don't know won't hurt them."

Connor pulls back, eyes open and pupils wide as he looks at her.

"They don't think I'm right for you, do they?"

She rests her hand on his cheek, rubbing a soothing thumb over the bone.

"They don't approve of anyone," she replies, "s'not just you. Hell, I'm pretty sure they'd keep me locked in the house twenty four seven if it was legal."

"I just..." the boy looks around the dark room, eyes shifting as the thoughts run through his head, "I want them to like me, you know? I know it sounds stupid and it shouldn't matter bu-"

Y/N cuts him off with a soft kiss, the boys eyes still shut when she pulls away after a few seconds.

"Don't spiral," she speaks gently, soothingly, and somehow makes the anxiety building in his chest dissipate, "doesn't matter to me whether they approve of you or whatever, it's not going to change this. They won't change the way I feel, they I _can't_ change the way I feel."

"Promise?" Connor speaks quietly, almost brokenly, and the sound makes the girl's heart shatter.

"I promise," she replies, "Connor, nothing can take my away from you, not if I have any say in it."

Connor smiles, eyes brightening.

"Guess I'm stuck with you for life, huh?"

The words could've sounded sarcastic coming from him, but with a voice still gruff and sleepy and a bright, genuine smile on his face, they were the most sincere she's ever heard.

"Guess so," she smiles, and nestles into his side, "'m tired, cuddle me."

Barely together for three months, hadn't even said those three little words yet. It's not even a conscious thought, the words don't even run through his head, he just suddenly realizes that he can't imagine his life without her, that he doesn't _want_ to imagine his life without her.

"Connor?"

Her voice comes out as more of a breath than actual speaking, eyes still shut and breathing even.

"Yeah?"

"I love you."

Connor's pretty sure his heart either stops beating or starts rapidly pounding against his ribcage.

"I love you too, baby girl," he replies, unable to keep the smile from taking over his face.

"S'good," Y/N mumbles, "be awkward otherwise."

"Yeah, suppose so," Connor laughs silently, "go to sleep, love."

He closes his eyes contently, pressing a kiss to the top of her head, and finally falls back asleep.

\---

The first time he actually tells someone is about three months after he first realized how he felt.

"Oh my god."

Connor snaps his laptop shut, eyes wide as he turns to look at Zoe.

"I-it's not what it looks like," he stutters.

"Those were..." Zoe trails off, "christ, Connor, tell me she's not..."

Connor's eyes bulge out of their sockets, and he shakes his head vigorously.

"No no no, god, no," he says, "that's not...it's nothing, Zoe. I was just...looking at gifts for her birthday and clicked on the wrong page."

"Connor, you know you've always been a terrible lier," Zoe says, sitting down across from him on the bed, "we're supposed to be communicating better now, talk to me."

"Promise you won't say anything?"

"Of course."

Connor can't remember the last time he's been so nervous to tell someone something, but it's Zoe. If he can't tell her he can't tell anyone.

"I think I want to marry her," Connor breathes, shaking his head, "no, I _know_ I want to marry her."

"Damn," Zoe replies, nodding slowly, "that's intense."

"I just..." Connor stops, searching for thoughts, "I can't imagine my life without her. I know we're young and I know people are going to say that we're crazy but...I want her to be mine, forever."

"Aw Connor!" Zoe teases, making the boy roll his eyes. "That's so sweet, I'm so happy!"

"You don't think we're rushing things?" Connor questions, doubts running through his head. "I just, I don't wanna like...scare her away or something. I mean, I'm not like gonna ask her tomorrow or anything but I don't want her to think I'm like trying to push her into something she doesn't really want."

"Try bringing it up subtly," Zoe suggests, "like, ask her about the future, about what she sees. Might help get some perspective."

"Yeah, makes sense," he nods, more to himself than to her, "thanks, Zo."

"Course," the girl smiles and stand, stopping once she's halfway out of the room, "I'm happy for you, Con, and if I know her the way I think I do, she's gonna say yes, regardless of when you ask."

Connor smiles in thanks, and gently reopens his computer as she leaves.

\---

The first time he actually takes Zoe's advice, they're two months into their first year of college, laying in a park under the stars one Friday night.

"You ever think about the future?" Connor asks quietly, smoking following the words that leave his lips.

"More so the last few months than ever before I suppose," she replies, taking the joint from his fingers, "why?"

"Dunno," he says, shrugging a bit, "curious I guess. College has got me thinking about the future you know, like...marriage and stuff."

She doesn't up and run, which Connor counts as a good sign. Instead she takes another drag, holding the smoke for a few seconds and then letting it out slowly.

"I think I want to get married," she finally says, "dunno about kids though, guess that's something to talk about after marriage."

Connor takes the roll back, hoping the drug will somehow calm his racing heart.

"Yeah, you're right," he says.

They lay in silence, watching the stars and trying to pretend they're anywhere other than their crappy small town.

"I don't think I wanna ring, though," she says suddenly, "I mean, don't get me wrong, they're pretty and I think they're a good sentiment, but I don't think I'd wear it all that often, and I think then it's like...as bad as it sounds, a waste of money. Plus they're easy to lose, I would feel so bad if I took it off one day and lost it or something."

"So what would you do as an alternative?" Connor questions, an eyebrow quirked in curiosity.

"I think a tattoo would be cute," she says, "maybe just a band around the finger, or like the date we get married in matching places. I dunno, seems more permeant to me, more meaningful."

Connor's breath hitches. _We. She said we._

"You said we," he lets slip.

"Oh, yeah," she replies, "I uh...guess I did. Sorry."

"No, don't be sorry," he replies, smiling a bit, "we've been together for almost nine months...it's okay."

She smiles as well, twisting her fingers together as the next question bubbles to the top of her head.

"Do you think we're too young?" She asks quietly. "I-I don't mean us like, specifically, just...in general. People our age."

"No, I don't think so," he answers honestly, "w- _they_ may be younger than others, and some people may not approve. But I think loving someone so much that you want to be with them forever...that feeling comes whenever it comes, regardless of age."

"I agree," she replies, nestling her head onto his shoulder, "you're really smart you know?"

"It's the weed."

She laughs, and Connor's heart feels fuller by the second. He smiles, and presses a kiss to her forehead.

"I love you." He mumbles against her skin, smiling widening at the giggle that escapes her lips.

"I love you too."

\---

The first time he realizes it's time, they're almost done with their freshman year of college, still as strong as ever, and Connor just knows that he can't hold it in anymore. He also realizes what date he wants as a tattoo if she says yes.

Hastily, before he can forget, he scribbles the date across his wrist, unable to wipe the smile off of his face as he looks down at the slightly smudged ink.

The knock on the door signals her arrival for the quiet night in they scheduled a few days prior, and he practically runs to open it.

"Hey baby girl," he says softly, leaning against the door frame, "you look amazing."

"I'm in sweats," she replies, rolling her eyes, "sometimes I think you're blind."

She makes her way into the dorm, just like she'd done to his heart, and he shakes his head.

"Not unless it's by love," he says, pulling her into his arms and spinning them around a few times.

"Connor!" She squeals, gripping onto his arm to keep herself from falling. "What has gotten into you?"

He sets her down, tucking a piece of hair behind her ear. He lets out a breath, and the words come tumbling out of his mouth.

"Marry me?"

She freezes, blinks once, twice, and then she speaks.

"I-" she stops, locking eyes with him, "that's not funny, Connor."

"S'a good thing I'm not joking then," he replies, "I'm so fucking in love with you, Y/N, I can't even imagine life without you in it. I know we're kids, but it's like I said, I think this feeling comes when it comes and for me...this is when it came," he moves his arm to show her the ink on his wrist, "first time I realized I wanted to have you in my life forever. Also the first time w-"

"First time we said I love you," she finishes his sentence, gazes trained on his wrist, "what was it, like three thirty in the morning? I was half asleep and just couldn't keep the feeling in anymore."

"Exactly!" He exclaims, running a hand through his hair. "I just...I love you more than I love anything else in my life, and I want to be with you forever. So, I'm gonna ask again," he pauses, smile on his face as he heaves in a deep breath, "will you marry me?"

"Yes, oh my god, yes," she answers, pulling his face down and kissing him. 

He holds her against his chest, pressing kiss after kiss to her lips before finally pulling away for a breath.

"It doesn't have to be anytime soon," he says, "doesn't matter to me when, I just couldn't keep it in anymore."

"God, Connor,," she says, pressing another gentle kiss to his mouth, "we're engaged."

Connor smiles, shaking his head in disbelief.

"You're amazing, this is amazing," he says, "this is also insane, but a good insane."

"Are your roommates gone?" She asks.

Connor raises an eyebrow.

"Uh, yeah," he answers curiously, "why?"

"We should celebrate," she says, grabbing his hand, "engagement...pretty big deal."

"Yeah, guess it is," Connor replies quietly, letting her pull him into his room.

She stops them in the center, pressing a hard kiss to his lips. He picks her up, the girl wrapping her legs around his waist. 

"Love you so much," he mumbles, pressing open mouth kisses to her skin as he sets her on the bed.

"Love you more."

\---

"You ready for this?" Connor asks, standing outside the tattoo shop with her hand in his. "First tattoo, that's a big deal. Never mind the reason we're getting them."

"As long as you're here, I'm ready for anything," she smiles, and Connor's heart melts.

The boy goes first, used to the experience due to having already gotten a few other tattoos. After about half an hour, his wrist is wrapped and his heart is full.

"Your turn babe," he says, pressing a gentle kiss to her cheek, "squeeze my hand if you need to."

She does at first, until she gets used to the dull scratch-like pain of the needle on her skin. He kisses her once she's finished, once again unable to wipe the smile of of his face.

"I know technically we need like...a marriage license or whatever to be 'officially' married," he says as they leave, spinning her around once in the parking lot, "but honestly, that doesn't matter to me."

"Me either," she replies, "as far as I'm concerned, I am now and forever Mrs. Connor Murphy."

Connor melts to a puddle at her words, kissing her hard and passionate.

"Mrs. Connor Murphy," he repeats, "yeah, I'm never going to get tired of hearing that."

"Guess I'm stuck with you for life, huh?"

"As long as I have a say, I'm never leaving your side."


End file.
